perpetual struggle

.. It’s not the world that got twisted, it's me ..

He said that he want to kiss me for the very last time.

For the last time.. AGAIN??!!

So I said no.

I've been in that "for the last time" situation for many times before.
And then I met him, but just like a de ja vu, it happened all over again last night.

For the last time.. *sigh!

I’m sick.. I’m sick.. I’m sooooo sick! I had enough with all that stuff, all that so-called crush, love, lust.. whatever!!!

And my friend said that I would end up alone if I couldn’t change my attitude. He said it at exactly in the moment I realized that I just had the baskin robbins relationship. The kind that I long for..

Now it’s too late.

The moment he let me go, I knew that he wasn’t into me that much. He just admires me.

He said that he admires my quality, respect my personality, and kinda like me.

And my sanity told me that I should leave all this behind, forget all about this, let him go, let him out..

But my heart just made all the audience stand and give big applause when told me that I love him and I’m so stupid to leave him..

GOD!

I need to get off of this town! I should go. And I pray hoping to get the job. Amin

I wish I could turn back time, I wish he would ask me to stay. But that will never happen.

I've tried so hard
To make you understand
That this is not a lie
Believe in me
And if you take my hand
And look me in the eyes

What other reason can I give to you
When I want you and I need you
What other reason can I give to you
When I want you, 'cos I love you

The two of us
Have got a fighting chance
But you don't want to win
Now is the time
You gotta, break the chains
But don't you dare give in

How much stronger must I stay
Until you find out you believe
In love

Johnny Hates Jazz – What Other Reason