shedding tears in south pole

I’m not that rookie-boy in this gay life anymore. But, I realize that there are still some of consequences of being gay ahead. And I’ll never know whether I’m ready to face them right now, though I know that I have to face them all by myself.

One thing that I hate the most of being gay is the insecurity feelings. Well, I won’t be gay if I always feel secure. Though, sometimes I can handle this insecurity so well, so others would see me as a very happy thoughtful person. But, there are sometimes when I lost control and let this insecurity dominates my heart. And this is happening right now, at this very moment.

I feel so insecure!

I’m always got the blame.

When someone broke my heart;
It’s my fault for being stupid.

When someone couldn’t feel the same way as the way I feel for them;
It’s my fault for expecting return; they said a true love won’t ask for return.

When I broke someone’s heart;
It’s my fault for being insensitive.

When I failed to love someone;
It’s my fault for giving them hope in the first time.

And even when I missed the balls;
It’s my fault for being careless and stupid.

I may be a jerk, I may be a moron, I may be a drama queen devil. And I'm not looking for anyone to blame me, instead of helps me out of this stupidity.

But, you know what? I never ask for this to happen in me. I never think that being gay is great.

Just wait until my best friends get married with those homophobic guys. Just wait until she finds the perfect-straight guy that suits her. Just wait until my family has realized that the sinner in the family is still doing the sins.

And when that time come, I will be nothing than a piece of junk that irritating their life. And when that time come, I know that I should leave.

So, would it be my fault if I would like to temporarily enjoy my time with him right now. Yet, since we all know that there’s nothing everlasting in gay love. So please, let me do what’s right for me right now. Let me spend my time with him. Cuz, you’ll get yours at time.


La Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself instead of*, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big gay now
And big gays don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foreseek the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big gay now
And big gays don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself instead of*, clarity
Peace,Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big gay now

Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

- Fergie, Big Girls Don't Cry -