superficial denial

I WISH THE TIME WOULD STAY STILL
WHEN I COULDN’T FEEL HER FEARS

I WISH THE CLOUD WOULD REMAIN
WHEN I COULDN’T SEE HER TEARS

I WISH THE WIND WOULD SPIN FASTER
WHEN I COULDN’T HEAR HER CRIES

I WISH THE GROUND WOULD LET ME GO
WHEN I COULDN’T TOUCH HER HEART

I WISH THE MOON WOULD SHINE BRIGHTER TROUGH THE CLOUDS
WHEN I COULDN’T LOVE HER

I WISH I COULD HAVE A REASON.


Life is a matter of choices, as a matter of facts, anyone who says that a love matter is a faker for me.

But…

Then again, I am one of those fakers.

I need to be loved and to love someone. I’m choosing to let love lead my way. I’m choosing for them to control my heart.

No, I don’t want to living this gay life, I don’t want to live as an ugly duck who has ducking his fate to living a straight life. I don’t want to let the demons to dominate my heart, my mind, nor my veins.

But…

Then again, I have failed.

Yet, I know is not about the goals, instead of the journey. But again, how can I find the right path to walk along the ground on my journey? I might be lost. And so I don’t have the courage to move on. And here I’m staying; another gay life.

Or maybe it’s too late. Maybe I have already lost. Maybe I’m now in the middle of the journey. Then should I find my way back? Or keep walking along the journey, no matter what I would find at the end.

And I just can’t apologize myself to let this happened at the first time. It’s all too late.

Now, I let them to stand on my side. I let him to get back inside my heart. I let him to dominate my mind. He’s the one who has once love me. He’s the one who has been married for years. He’s the one who has once got me in his life. He’s the one who has left me with a desirous heart. He’s the one who makes me loosing control.

I miss him so much.

every time i think of you
i get a shock right through into a bolt of blue
it's no problem of mine but it's a problem i find
living a life that i can't leave behind
there's no sense in telling me
the wisdom of a fool won't set you free
but that's the way that it goes
and it's what nobody knows
and every day my confusion grows

every time i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
i'm waiting for that final moment
you'll say the words that i can't say

i feel fine and i feel good
i feel like i never should
whenever i get this way, i just don't know what to say
why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
i'm not sure what this could mean
i don't think you're what you seem
i do admit to myself
that if i hurt someone else
then I'LL never see just what we're meant to be

every time i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
i'm waiting for that final momentyou'll say the words that i can't say

-Frente,Bizzare Love Triangle-