bad habit

Sunday, June 17, 2007

03.00 PM

After stupidly I let the car key stuck inside the locked car, now I’m trapped in the middle of nowhere driving an empty-fueled car. And it’s raining! SH*T!!

My head spins, my neck hurts, and so I get frantic with frustration. My tears start to shed. And of course, finally I start blaming God for what has happened. Well, not only for what just happened, but for everything BAD that ever happened in my life! Yeap, and I just couldn’t find anything good instead of anything BAD that ever happened in my life!!

I know I’ve quit. I know I’ve stopped. I know that I’m not that so-called Drama Queen, no more!

But, I just couldn’t hold the tears from shedding. I try to reach the cell phone and call her, but I don’t feel any necessity for it. No, I don’t want to bother her only for something that maybe it’s just because I’m getting to be overwhelmed with the situation.

So I turn the music loud, it was the When You’re Gone song, one of the Avril’s songs. But, instead of making me feel better, it frustrated me even more! Then I tried to remember the nice things that just happened; I tried to remember the Saturday night that I’ve spent with my best friends, and I tried to remember his smile. And again it was all useless.

I hate my life, I hate my family; I hate them for ignoring my problems. I hate them for thinking that I’m okay. I hate them for ignoring me. Although, even God knows how much I care for them.

Or maybe it’s just me!

Maybe it’s just me, who can’t fit in with the environment.

Maybe.. Maybe.. Maybe..

Maybe I don’t belong here.
Maybe I’m just upset because I couldn’t find a way to escape from this bad habit.
Maybe I’m just sick of living this gay life.
Maybe I’m just boring with everything that attached to my life.
Maybe I just need her hug. I need her to be with me; right here, right now.


I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah yeah
All I ever wanted was for you
To know everything I do i give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel here you with me Yea...

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

I miss you.

-When You're Gone, Avril Lavigne-